Is it ok to ask about someone’s scars?

In the warmer summer months I tend to reach more towards my lighter clothing, switching polo necks for t-shirts and jeans for skirts. For the average person this is an easy wardrobe transition, but for people like myself it can prove to be quite difficult. For anyone who hasn’t been following me for long I have a genetic condition called Epidermolysis bullosa (EB). This condition can affect my walking ability, my ability to eat/swallow and has left me covered in scars from head to toe. This is why summer time can be particularly scary for me, I spend a lot of summer inside when the weather is nice because I do not want to go out along side my scar free friends to a place where someone may stare at me or ask me very personal questions about my scars. With that in mind I felt it would be a good topic to write about to help educate people about EB and help people avoid making someone uncomfortable about their own skin.

First of all I’d just like to say its perfectly normal to look at someone and say to yourself ‘how did they get that scar?’. It’s natural to be curious. However, over the years I have been approached on a number of occasions by people I do not know and asked about my scars. Personally, I think this is extremely rude to intrude on someone’s day and ask them a question you have no business knowing the answer to. For me this has only happened in extremely open and social situations where there are lots of people around. People often look, also curious to know the answer, which, being honest I don’t always want to give. Asking such a personal question in front of other people can be embarrassing and traumatic for many people with scars, especially those who have self harmed in the past. I think asking such invasive questions should not be done in the presence of other people as it can put an extraordinary amount of pressure on the person your asking.

If you really need to know about someone’s scarring (you think they may be self harming or think they are being abused, or you know the person and simply want to know) then I suggest you ask directly. Dancing around the question only makes the whole experience awkward, if you are in a safe space with no on lookers then just ask. Its the easiest way to get an answer and when ever people ive known for a while have asked me straight up in a personal setting I’ve felt more than comfortable explaining my scars. It also makes me feel good knowing that someone has asked me directly instead of going about asking other people who don’t know the full situation.

Another thing which people often say to me is ‘oh have you tried *insert product* its really good it will definitely cure you’. I can assure after 20 years with this condition I have tried everything. I am not hospitalized, bed bound and unable to eat because I want to, but because there is no other alternative. Like I have said in the past my condition is really rare and unfortunately there is not much products out their to help improve my standard of living. I think its important for people to know that bio-oil or what ever it is will not heal my scars just like green tea will not help me to eat. If there was a way I could fix these things I would already know about them, by saying this I am not trying to be rude but simply re-iterating the point that I have tried everything and unless you suffer with EB or know someone who does then your information will not be able to help me.

Honestly when people come up to me and start telling me what could fix me I get embarrassed and uncomfortable. Its happened too many times where I was having a great day or night out and someone has made one of these comments. I don’t really care much for ‘fixing’ myself and the fact that someone is telling me I need to really knocks my confidence and ruins my day. I’m in no way perfect but I’ve lived my whole life like this and I’ve learned to accept myself and just wish others could too.

The whole reason I wrote this wasn’t to rant (although reading back it sounds like I am lol) but to try and make people a little more aware for other peoples feelings. If you want to know why someone has scars always remember, if you don’t know them at all just leave them, if you’ll never see them again then what is the point knowing where their marks have come from, it will in no way affect your life but might affect the person you are asking. If you are concerned for someone, ask them, they will know your questions are coming from a place of concern and love. And lastly, please try not to stare after you’ve already gotten a good look! I just want everyone to be able to feel comfortable in their body no matter what it looks like, after all its just skin.